For Sarah.

Dear Diary,

I met a very attractive guy today on the street as I walked to get pickled pigs feet for my pet canary. Subsequently, my breasts swelled to an abnormally large size. I think I shall go home, eat a can of lima beans, and sing "She Wolf Karaoke Version". This, I believe, will show to be the remedy to my malady.

Will write more when breast size shrinks.

Love, Sarah Horn